2022 Year in Books

2022 was a big read year for me. 35 books, over 10,000 pages, countless new friends in my head, new worlds explored, new feelings tapped into. But I place the most value on the new perspectives acquired by looking at the world and life’s adventures through someone else’s eyes. After doing an IQ test, EQ test, and personality test yesterday, I feel heard and seen, ha. But, one area that plagues me is deductive reasoning. I would make an awful Sherlock, although an excellent Watson. It bothers me, endlessly – my deductive reasoning is inhibited by a combination of my trauma and my lack of skill set. I tend to focus on what any moment/interaction says of me rather than what it says of the person/experience. When I do let observation take over, I feel analysis paralysis. There are characters that instantly put my brain to ease – Stephanie Plum in Janet Evanovich for instance. She is undoubtedly a hot mess on the regular, but she is logical, curious, observant, and has no problem laughing at herself. Armand Gamache in the Louise Penny novels also feels like coming home to me. These types of characters are a heated blanket for my brain. I do have people like this in my life as well, my best friends, my sister, my adopted moms. I love hearing how they think about things, especially things that emotionally plague me, because I can tap into their logic, and their distance (since their ability to observe will be heightened since it is not their personal problem). I would be lying if I said I never ask myself “what would Gamache do.”

Here’s what I learned from my reading this year:

Q1: Escape into things that are scarier than my own life, ha. Included The Ring Trilogy and the book that inspired the movie The Devil Made Me Do It. The Ring Trilogy was good 66.66%. The final book took me all year to finally get through – it went too far into Sci-Fi, when I wanted to read horror. The Devil Made Me Do It (the book is actually called The Devil In Connecticut) is  worth a mention as the first legal case using demonic possession as a defense.

Q2: So many books! Thriller, horror, and true crime. Was it a dark time for me personally? Possible 😊 My highlights:

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. This was light on the brain! It had some deep concepts but never dug too far into them, whether intentionally or not. I tend to like to go deep and heavy, and I was initially disappointed by aesthetically addressing societal issues of race, discrimination, displacement, “reintegration,” etc. But, the book made me think about these issues in a curious way instead of one filled with deep rooted shame and helplessness. I absolutely loved it.

My Best Friend’s Exorcism by Grady Hendrix. Ok, picture a mall in the 1980s – the stonewashed jeans, big hair, loud music, and bright colors. Now, add in a teenage girl with a demonic possession. That is this book, and it was glorious! Also a great escape even if the writing was a bit diffuse and the ending was too long. I would consider it a marriage of the movies Mean Girls and Now and Then and the show Stranger Things.

Flowers in the Attic by VC Andrews. This is a classic banned book that has some horrible neglect and abuse in it. Most people focus on the incest, but who cares when you have a grandma and mom colluding to disappear children?! Sexual experimentation is normal, and if you are isolated to experiencing adolescence with your siblings, then it logics out that some weird sexual stuff might happen. For a book written in the 60s, I get why that was more taboo than the long term arsenic poisoning taking place. And yeah, was it a bit romanticized? Sure. It was also a bit long, in my opinion. But highly recommend reading this for the societal impact this book had.

The 7.5 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton. This was one of my most memorable and recommended reads of the year. Read it. It kept me on my toes, trying to figure out what was happening and why. It was creative, with luscious emotive characters. I loved people, hated people, and sometimes, they were the same characters! Turton was able to create a completely fictional world that was both unique and believable. Wildly interesting.

Q3: busy hiking so only have one good book – Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber. You may recognize the name Sybil, the first documented case of multiple personality disorder, now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This book is provocative because it compels. Is this fact or fiction? Was it a hyperbolized truth? Check it out and decide for yourself. Regardless, it is a curious documentation of what can happen with intense abuse during our formative years. It is not an easy read – but if you are interested in psychology and trauma, it’s a must.

Q4:  Two words. Neil Gaiman. I didn’t realize until just now that he is one of my favorite authors. I read both The Graveyard Book and Stardust. Love both – they were cute, easy, with absolutely terrific writing. (Is he married to a racist bigot? Quite possibly. I have not yet figured out how that incorporates into my appreciation of his writing, if at all. I still like Hemingway, and he was a misogynistic asshole in many ways. I am currently undecided on this bigger issue since we are all humans doing the best we can.) Other favorites:

The Magicians by Lev Grossman. Harry Potter meets Narnia but for adults. See my post Magic in My Moat for a better writeup.

Midnight at the Bright Ideas Bookstore by Matthew J Sullivan. This one surprised me! It’s a murder mystery, but it unveils itself in a nontraditional way. A clerk in a bookstore finds the body of one of her loved patrons, suicide. He left her everything he owns, which isn’t much. And as she tries to uncover why he would take his own life, she solves the mystery of her own torrid past. When she was a young girl, at a sleepover, a whole family was mercilessly murdered. She was the sole survivor. The suicide was the convergence of her past and present. I had figured out the ending, but I enjoyed the journey.

Verity by Colleen Hoover. Colleen Hoover is a-typical for me, but I devoured this book. It is my second most recommended book of 2022. Hoover does a great job of weaving this thriller through diary entries. I was skeptical of all the characters – found myself thinking “and THIS is when they turn on that person.” It was a reminder that believing the best in people goes a long way, and believing the worst in them may inspire you to act in ways you aren’t proud of. Be careful with this one as well – definite more child abuse in here and some truly despicable (and not the fun kind) behavior.

Cabinet of Curiosities by Louise Penny. Penny is another favorite author, and I look forward to reading everything she puts out. She infuses other literature and poetry and art into her detective series, along with this concept of believing the best in people. Her common theme is that even good people do bad things. Forgiveness is a key component, as is justice. This book did not disappoint – in fact, it was beautifully well done. She is a great modern Agatha Christie, with more character development. I truly love all of the characters in these books. Read everything by Penny. If you want to know how to start her books, message me.

Most of my books were bought used from Thrift Books, a local bookstore from my travels, occasionally Amazon, and often Strand Books in Manhattan.

Personal Library

I surround myself with books,

To give words to my feelings

My hopes, my dreams

The relationships that I haven’t had yet

And the ones that I have failed during

As a camaraderie, support group

The backstop to my fall, my failures

And even my insecurities.

Surrounded by greatness,

By creativity, and even the vile.

A fluid scale of normalcy

Against which I can predict how others may

Judge me,

I can prepare for anything that may come.

Witches? Ann Hoffman.

Goblins? JK Rowling.

Crazed murderer? Ann Rule.

The Unknown? Ursula K. Le Guin.

Myself? Ali Smith.

Hope and Love? Louise Penny.

The coven of friends in my personal library

Give me the tool that I need at the time,

Even if it is the Emergency Exit.

Magic in my Moat

Are you the type of reader that is loyal to a single book, holding strong to the finish, before opening another? Are you a reading philanderer who can help but look at other books, listen to them, and even dive into them while fully invested in another? Do you have multi books running in parallel or do they only begin where one ends like a bookish centipede?

I find myself reading by my mood. High anxiety can push me into reading like a squirrel preps for winter: in a rush, grabbing any book (nut) I can, nibbling at each one, and then burying it half-finished under another pile of books. Reading steadily and often is actually a reflection of my mind being healthy. I concentrate, absorb, live in those worlds. Which is interesting, right, that when I need most to lose myself in another world, I can’t either find the door or stay in that world for long.

This makes me think of magical fantasy – the concentration it takes to make a spell, for instance, and what happens when the magician/wizard/witch is distracted. So many examples of this in literature, but I will draw on my most recent dark fantasy read – The Magicians by Lev Grossman.  

Grossman pulled in YA fantasy influences, namely Narnia and Harry Potter, and upleveled for adults. You have it all here. Adult boredom with scintillating vices (hello, everyday life) but with magic. Oh, you don’t want to pay bills? Sure, your school of magic will pay for your gap year until you “settle.” Oh, you don’t like the way you were raised, and you feel like the black sheep of your family? Sure, your school of magic will start to transform your parents’ memories so that gradually, they stop worrying about you and meddling in your life. Oh, you don’t know what path to go down? Sure, your school of magic will give you options AND embed a demon into your back for that one time you make an egregious error in judgment and cross the line into dark magic.

More to my point is the fact that this young group of adults does step in some literal shit, and the main character (debatable whether he is likeable, but I find him human, which is relatable at the least) completely freezes up. His mind is overwhelmed by fear, by the pressure to perform, and by love for the rest of the group in danger. His former girlfriend saves the hell out of his ass, but at a hugely significant cost. The difference between him and her in this moment? She had been preparing for this. She had her head in the game. She knew how to harness her emotions into action.

A quote I wrote down recently – “Structure means having a system in place for when things go wrong. Discipline helps you show up for yourself and your goals even when it is not easy or fun.”

As humans, we are emotional creatures. We may start a day with a very different emotional lens than we had yesterday. Our brains are strong enough to help us choose the emotional clothes to wear that day, but we have to pick up the queues that we are in need of self-intention and self-love. For me, structure allows me the awareness to pick up on these queues. Am I reading like a madman and finishing absolutely nothing? Ok, discipline kicks in and I slow it down, choose to clothe myself in compassion, and recharge my batteries. Recharging can look like getting that one thing off my to do list that is sapping my energy vis a vis procrastination, or it may mean spending time outdoors with dogs, fresh air, and birdsong. Or, it may mean laying on my couch binge watching a true crime documentary.

In Eat Pray Love, the movie (I have avoided reading the book/watching the movie for YEARS because I thought it would be too self-helpy in a pathetic, unintelligent sort of way but it was not and I think it is a 10/10), Liz Gilbert makes it to India to spend time at an ashram, thinking it would be instantly more magical than her previous 4 months eating and drinking through Italy. It wasn’t. It was much harder. Why? Because Italy was a distraction, and India was when the self-work started. As a friend of hers explained it, to get to the castle, you have to cross the moat. Structure is the ability to identify and navigate the moat. Discipline is never giving up on the castle. What is in that moat, you ask? All the stuff Lev Grossman’s characters experienced – sex, drugs, lack of self-esteem/confidence/worth, alcohol, interpersonal squabbles, mistakes, wrong turns, etc. etc. etc. But the real question is what is in the castle. The castle, for me, is deep self-love. It is what I strive to attain, more than anything else, because with self-love comes resilience, stability, consistency, a sense of humor at the wrong turns, curiosity, and maybe even a touch of distance at what I do/what happens to me.

What’s in your castle? And are you practicing your magic? It’s that magic that will get us there.