Category: Soul

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“Control” – An Overanalytical Manifesto

How is it that in this life, the only thing we can control is ourselves, but if we are too controlling then we aren’t really living? Where is the balance in that?

Marcus Aurelius is quoted in Meditations, “you have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

In my recent yoga classes, I found myself conflicted while trying to follow the instructions of the yogi:

“Release control.”

“Allow your mind to flow freely. If you catch yourself stopping on one thought too long, bring your mind back to neutral by controlling the flow of your passing thoughts.”

“Let go.”

“Move with control.”

“Free your mind with your breath.”

“Control your breath.”

This got me thinking about “control” in general. Control has a mixed bag of reactions. I just had one of my longest girlfriends tell me to stop trying to control everything; that certain things are just outside of my control. Go with the flow. Stop analyzing.

I think I need to smoke more pot, honestly. Because I am an accountant, type A, ENTJ. My mind is my strongest muscle. You know what it likes to do? SCENARIO PLAN. I am great (although I have some friends who are MUCH better) at planning – I quickly assess, build out scenarios, map out pros/cons, determine cost/benefit, and choose. I am decisive. Patience is not my friend. I feel great in the driver’s seat.

So when someone tells me to “go with the flow” or “it will all work out”, I want to lose control… of my emotions and my mouth. I really want to tell people to “fuck off.” And then, if I do that, I am not in control of my own reaction, which is a negative.

I think we need to make up our minds about “control.” When is control good? And when is control bad?

Self-control = GOOD

Muscle control = GOOD

Impulse control = GOOD

Controlling a person = BAD

Controlling a situation = BAD

Controlling a situation because you are paid to do so = GOOD

Controlling your thoughts = GOOD when you are controlling them to think optimistically

Controlling your thoughts in yoga = BAD

My brilliant brother, master of many languages, PhD candidate, pastor, and all around good guy, entertained me with the origin of “control” from a language basis. We talked about the Greek versions of “control.” And in typical nerd fashion, we both uttered the praises for the Greek people who identified complex emotions with more than a single word. Love, for example, has three words, so that you don’t mistakenly erotically lust after a hamburger or liken your romantic emotions to those you have for your mom. What a brilliant concept. Similarly, “control” has at least two different meanings he could come up with over the phone. One implying manipulation and one implying mastery.

Let’s try the example above:

Self-control = MASTERY

Muscle control = MASTERY

Impulse control = MASTERY

Controlling a person = MANIPULATION

Controlling a situation = MANIPULATION

Controlling a situation because you are paid to do so = WELL DONE

Controlling your thoughts = DEPENDS (are you controlling them to hide from something? To do damage? To obsess? That sounds like MANIPULATION.)

Controlling your thoughts in yoga = MASTERY

Ok, now that we note the difference between mastery and manipulation, where does willpower play into this? There is a lot of evidence out there that willpower is a limited resource. Is mastery a muscle that gets stronger with use? Or is it like our eyes – after so much use, it’s power is diminished?

Looks like we found more questions on this adventure…

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Temperance

You know what sucks about the start of a New Year? Agonizing over the weight that I gained from October to January. Every single year I fall off the workout bandwagon at the same time, go into hibernation mode, only to realize that I am a HUMAN, not a BEAR and hibernation has been cancelled. So then, I start working out again which seems painful and inconvenient. Until I realize how much I love it. Where has this been for the past 3 months??

The bright side of the New Year: it’s a freaking NEW YEAR. Oh the beauty of “reset”! It’s like a blank canvas. I have the time to reset my intentions, refocus, re-energize. My wonderful friend, Scott, taught me to pick a word at the start of anything new. This word is a focal point; it is the middle bubble on a bubble diagram. This word will build out the rest of the year. So bear with me because my word for 2018 is TEMPERANCE.

Let me tell you a secret – I am not good at balance. More figuratively than literally although if you asked any one of my three older brothers they would engage you in one of their favorite stories of me running down a narrow, one-brick-wide, landscaping wall but couldn’t take two steps on flat ground without tripping or falling down. I am fairly capable of walking on my own two feet now.

One of my favorite yoga instructors (shout out to The Grinning Yogi – check them out here) put the following thought in my head: “Balance effort with ease”. This was during the summer of 2017, and I have not stopped thinking about this phrase.

What does this trigger for you? Does it shine light on those areas of your life that you keep painfully pushing against? Does it open your mind to value your talents and the ease with which you do certain things? Does it bring up warmth when you think of time with family and friends and the ease of being in the presence of people you love?

For the next 12 months, I plan to intentionally focus my energies where they belong. When things come with ease, I am asking my brain and heart to meet each other in a happy, joyful spot with no ambition or task-making. When things are a challenge, I would like to rise to the challenge and use that opportunity to grow and teach myself or learn from those around me or the circumstances presented to me.

The obstacle I face with this is that this phrase – balance effort with ease – asks me to disassociate myself from people, situations, things, etc. It asks me to give up control. Gasp.

Lydia Davis, an American writer known for her brevity (I am attempting to learn from her but found that this is an area that does not come with ease for me) via short stories, wrote this brilliant grouping of short stories called “Can’t and Won’t”. This piece, in particular, gets me every single time I read it:

My Footsteps

I see myself from the back, walking. There are circles of both light and shadow around each of my footsteps. I know that with each step I can now go further and faster than ever before, so of course I want to spring forward and run, But I am told that I must pause at each step, letting my foot rest on the ground for a moment, if I want it to develop its full power and reach, before taking the next.

(Also, for the record, another one of her stories, “I’m Pretty Comfortable, But I Could Be a Little More Comfortable” is FANTASTIC. Please read it when you find yourself disgruntled and discouraged by your life. Link to her book and the fabulous bookstore in NYC, Strand, where I purchased it here.)

Perhaps this balancing thing is more than relinquishing control. Perhaps it has something also to do with savoring each step.

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Letter from the Editor

You may be asking yourself – are people still starting blogs these days?? Turns out, they are indeed. I realize I am a little late to the game. But, in true Angie fashion, I would rather be late than early. Being early is awkward.

So here we are – it is 2018. I am in my 30’s. I have thoughts. I have done things; experienced things; gone on adventures. Just like you, I am sure. And just like you, I am wondering about this crazy, rugged road of life – are we stars that burn furiously for a short period and then explode into the galaxy? Or more like souls that transverse the universe, lifetime after lifetime, learning and growing?

Unfortunately for you, I am not going to answer those questions here. If I had those answers, I would not have this blog. I would have people that would take care of my blog, tv show, books. I would have people who do my hair, tell me what to eat, dress me, and whiten my teeth.

On the bright side, I do have this witty prose, and I have many more questions that I want to explore with you. Philosophical musings are best served with multiple perspectives  (and usually a couple cocktails, so feel free to pour yourself one now).

It is my pleasure to unveil Kokoro. Kokoro is Japanese for “mind” but means so much more than that. It is really the connectivity of the mind, body and soul. It encompasses your mental space and strength, emotions, Qi, conscience, center of being. Your kokoro is elementally you.

Have you ever experienced an interaction with a person whose mind, body and soul didn’t align? You may have been talking to an extremely attractive (no, not me, someone else) human who made you feel dirty. Their aura didn’t match their face. Or perhaps you have experienced within yourself the mental vertigo of lack of confidence but masked it with a “fake it til you make it” smile. Or, final example, perhaps you have been in the presence of someone suffering from cancer but can feel their mental strength and positivity radiating energy from their failing body.

I can’t help but wonder about these situations – how is it that our mind, body and soul aren’t always on the same plane? How can we become so fragmented? And how do we fix that?

This blog explores the tripodal balancing of these three elements. I welcome you to join me in this journey of exploration and temperance. You will notice that the blog is also organized under this trifecta:

MIND: my work feeds my mind. I am an accountant by trade and a finance professional. I like talking about business, from the technical to the social to the changing dynamic of the business community.

BODY: yoga and delicious food feed my body. I was a dancer until 19, started running shortly thereafter, and then FINALLY found yoga at 31 thanks to my lovely sister. When I have time, you will also find me in the kitchen, usually cooking up something to share with the people I care about the most.

SOUL: my soul feeds on travel and books (and my dog, Camo!). Shouldn’t the mind consume books, you ask? Not for this girl. Books literally excite my insides. My traveling tradition is to visit a local new or used bookstore everywhere I go where I usually buy <too many> books.

This blog will combine all the elements. You will find philosophical musings, travel stories, book reviews, recipes, and shop talk all here in one place! Don’t like a topic? No problem, skip over anything that doesn’t feed your own personal tripod.

I am excited to embark on this adventure throughout 2018, and even more excited that you are joining me.

Angie